My Bio

My name is Pam, and I've worked at Condom Shack for 7 years. All I want to do is make the world a happier place, one crotch at a time.


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My Two Cents on Gender Relations

  This blog comes with a disclaimer: It is written for the average straight girl, dating the average straight guy. Of course, there are many people that don’t abide by the average rules for relationships, or gender identity. There are also lots of sensitive, analytical men, as well as thoughtless women, but they seem to be the minority, so this rant doesn’t have much to do with them.

   This week at Condom Shack...CosmoTV dropped by to film some segments for their show ‘Oh So Cosmo’. They had me read aloud some ‘Cosmo Tips’ for ‘decoding your man’. Being that I’m not, in any way, a Cosmo Girl, I found the experience left me feeling a little dirty inside. Not to say that ‘stay off your cellphone’ and ‘don’t get too drunk’ are not helpful tips for girls on first dates, (because they really are) but, I felt the need to get my blog on, and give you my own two cents on gender relations.
    Have you ever seen ‘The Dog Whisperer’? His opinion is that humans treating dogs like people, is what leads to misbehaving dogs. Once you understand the psychology of a dog, (dominance, submission, pack mentality) and you treat a dog like a dog, your relationship with your dog will be better. I am not comparing men to dogs. My comparison is, the importance of working with our differences, instead of wishing our loved ones had brains just like ours. Women can only begin to understand men, when we stop trying to understand them as women. Accepting that we are intrinsically different beings, and understanding our differences is the key to harmonious relationships.*
   I fear that the main problem that women have trying to understand men, is that it’s hard for a lot of us to turn off the ‘overanalyze everything’ switch, and comprehend the simple logic that is the male brain. The fact of the matter is, when you think too hard about why (he would do whatever you’re mad about) you’ve already missed the point.
  I think it’s safe to say, that at one time or another, we’ve all sat wondering ‘why would he do that?’. We’ve wondered it alone in our rooms while crying along to Sinead O’Connor. We’ve wondered it aloud to our friends over coffee, or cosmos. We’ve bought books and magazines hoping to decode the ‘real reason’ he does these thoughtless things. What doesn’t seem to occur to most women, is that wondering why will never give us the answer we want. Mostly because, even if there is a valid reason for his actions, since it obviously isn’t what you would’ve done, it probably won’t make you feel any better to know it. There is also a real possibility, that there isn’t a ‘valid’ reason, other than instinct.
   Humans are animals, animals are creatures of survival. Since at the core of our instinct, women are nurturers, we need to have the ability to ensure our safety, as well as the safety of our offspring. This gives us an inherently more analytical brain. We think about what we’re doing now, and how it will affect the future, both immediate and long term. We need to ensure our long term survival, to ensure the survival of our offspring. For a woman to try to not analyse every possible outcome, of every situation, is against our nature.
  On the other hand, at the core of male instinct is immediate survival, and procreation. A man needs only to survive long enough to spread his seed. As long as he does that, humanity can continue, so his survival instinct has a much shorter forethought. He doesn’t need to analyze the future, or think of anyone’s survival except his own.
  It is this basic, human instinct that makes him do those things that drive you crazy. Those things that have you asking ‘why ‘, and ‘didn’t he think...?’. It’s why he doesn’t think about your feelings when he’s not with you. It’s why he forgets you exist when it’s play-offs. It’s why when he’s out with the boys, he ‘forgets’ to keep track of the time. His focus at any given time, is what to do in that situation, not what he’s going to do in the next situation. It’s why, when the boys are calling him pussy-whipped for leaving early to go home to you, his instinct is to keep the boys happy and stay. They’re the ones in front of him. It’s also why when he gets home to you hours later, he’ll apologize profusely. He is sorry, he doesn’t like that you’re mad, and now he’ll do what he can to survive this situation, now that he’s in it.
   I don’t mean this rant to excuse men from putting some thought into their actions, and thinking ahead a step, but I think it’s important that women understand that to do that, is not their natural instinct. It seems to be a stronger function within the female brain, to think outside of our current predicament, and foresee the future messes we may find ourselves in, depending on the decisions we make here and now.
   Of course, I know I’m over simplifying the complexity of human brains and emotions. But I really think by simplifying our approach to the opposite sex, it’s a lot easier to understand them.
   The effort needs to come from both sides. Stop assuming your boyfriend has the ability to know how, and what you think. Instead, try to explain to him how you think, and why you feel the way you do. Men, in return, would be well served to train their brains to over analyze more. To be able to comprehend what’s going on inside our minds, will give you a better idea of just how much we analyze you, our relationship with you, our relationships’ effect on the people around us, ...and so on, etc. (It’s exhausting living inside the female brain, that’s why we seek refuge in simplistic things like romantic comedies, and pop music.) If you guys put some extra thought in to your actions, and how they may affect us, you’ll be getting brownie points all over the place. And, if we women stop expecting the men in our lives to think and act like us, we’ll stop being continuously let down when they don’t.


*Accepting that we are intrinsically different beings, and understanding our differences is the key to harmonious relationships... I feel this is a statement that can be applied to everything; gender, sexual preference, sexual identity, religion, ethnicity, etc... By being intrigued by differences, rather than judging or fearing them, we can learn to enjoy our differences, just as we enjoy our commonalities.

Posted: 09:33, 2009-Mar-3

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